May 29, 2019
My guest this week is Dr. Joan
Rosenberg, best-selling author, consultant, master clinician, and
media host. Dr. Joan Rosenberg is a cutting-edge psychologist who
is known as an innovative thinker, acclaimed speaker, and trainer.
As a two-time TEDx speaker and member of the Association of
Transformational Leaders, she has been recognized for her thought
leadership and influence in personal development.
Dr. Rosenberg speaks on how to
build confidence, emotional strength, resilience; achieving
emotional, conversational and relationship mastery; integrating
neuroscience and psychotherapy and suicide prevention. An Air Force
veteran, she is a professor of graduate psychology at Pepperdine
University in Los Angeles, CA. Her latest book, 90 Seconds to a Life you
Love:
How to Master Your Difficult
Feelings to Cultivate Lasting Confidence, Resilience and
Authenticity, has
just released at the beginning of this year.
In this episode, Dr. Rosenberg
and I discuss the “top 8 unpleasant feelings” that parents
encounter. She provides parents with practical strategies that
teach enhanced emotional self-insight and lead to better
parent-child relationships. Using these strategies empowers parents
to manage their feelings, control their reactions and become better
emotional role models for their children. Learn more about Dr. Joan
Rosenberg here.
The Top 8 Unpleasant
Feelings
- Sadness, shame, helplessness, anger,
vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, and
frustration.
-
- These
8 feelings are common and universal to everyone's
experiences
- With
these strategies, parents can be healthy role models of these
feelings for their children
- Both
pleasant and unpleasant feelings are important for children to
understand and develop versus feeling restricted or withdrawn from
certain feelings
What is Frustration
Tolerance?
- The
ability to experience and manage the right emotion in any
situation
- If a
child does not learn to experience and manage their feelings, a
clear carry-over effect into adulthood occurs
-
- Examples: not handling relationship breakups
well, poor handling of employment settings and emotions,
etc…
- It is
important for parents to be able to tolerate their child's
emotional discomfort as well as their own
How to Manage Feelings As
Parents
- Use
the formula: One choice + 8 Feelings + 90 Seconds
-
- The
choice is an openness and willingness to be aware of and in touch
with as much of your feelings as possible
- Detect one of the 8 feelings and be
present
- Give
yourself 90 seconds to understand what you are feeling through
bodily sensation
-
- The
rush of these feelings and bodily reactions typically last 60-90
seconds
- Notice what you are experiencing in your body,
tolerate the bodily sensation and ride the wave to the other side
of the 90 seconds before reacting
- I.e.
the heat of cheeks flushing from embarrassment
- By
staying present to the feeling and bodily sensation you will gain
insight on the decision you need to make and the action you want to
take
Understanding Anxiety
- When
we talk about anxiety we must decipher and be aware of how and when
we use the word to define a specific feeling
- Anxiety is oftentimes used to describe other
feelings such as vulnerability and fear
- In
this way, the word “anxiety” is misused as a cover for other
unpleasant feelings that are actually occurring
Switching Up Your Language As A
Parent
- Am I?
Can I? Will I? Do I?
-
- All
of these foster doubt
- Switch those questions and reframe them to
statements: I am, I can, I will, I do
-
- All
of these foster an experience of confidence
Understanding
Resilience
- Know
that resilience is a learnable skill that we can all practice and
improve
- Think
of resilience as being tied to attitude: “I’m open to
change”
-
- Having an openness and willingness to face
change is a key aspect
- Understand that “failure” too is a key aspect
and is always a learning opportunity
-
- This
way you do not get knocked over each time you face an
obstacle
- Reach
out of help and use your resourcefulness
-
- Acknowledge your emotional needs and
limitations so you know when you need to ask for help shows your
emotional strength
Where to learn more about Dr.
Joan Rosenberg...
Connect with Dr. Nicole Beurkens
on...
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