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The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

Apr 15, 2020

My guest this week is Kim John Payne, a consultant, and trainer to over 230 U.S. independent and public schools. Formerly serving as a school counselor, adult educator, consultant, researcher, and educator for nearly 30 years, Kim regularly gives key-note addresses at international conferences for educators, parents, and therapists and runs workshops and training sessions around the world. In each role, he has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction, and low self-esteem. As a partner of the Alliance for Childhood in Washington D.C, he has consulted for educational associations around the world and has run a private family counseling practice for more than 15 years. 

In this episode, Kim and I discuss the principles and impact of simplicity parenting to help lessen stress and overwhelm within families. While many of us are experiencing new lifestyles and schedules it is extremely important to maintain or find a new working rhythm to your family's day-to-day routine. Kim provides clear, effective and simple ways parents can begin to approach and implement the best daily rhythms for their unique family needs. To learn more about Kim John Payne click here.


Episode Highlights

Behavior and Brain Function

  • The demands that are children face now are entirely different than what parents experienced in their childhood
    • Behavioral and developmental issues become exacerbated when demanded too much off, our children need to slow down

4 Ways To Show Children They Are Safe 

  • Declutter the home
    • Start with your space as a parent and then tackle the pantry and the living space
    • Move into children's bedroom/toy room and declutter there
    • This signals to a child that here in our home we have space and order, not chaos
  • Keeping a daily rhythm/schedule
    • Give children a practical schedule for them to follow
    • Some of the academic expectations for parents who are working and schooling from home have created extreme overwhelm
    • Limit the academic time to what is necessary for each age to avoid overwhelm
      • Structure the day to move from head to heart activities, from cognition to creativity to action
  • Giving kids the gift of boredom, with no screen time involved
    • Out of boredom comes self-creativity and self-motivation
    • They need this time to become creative and enter into deep creative play which allows them to digest the world and cleanse themselves from anxiety
  • Limit screen time and media + filtering out the adult information 
    • We must be careful of what we say in front of our children and what we allow them to see
    • Is this kind? Is this securing? Is it true to my values? Is it necessary to be sad right now?
      • If you can’t answer yes to all four, it is best not to say it at all


Where to learn more about Kim John Payne...


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Need help with improving your child’s behavior naturally? 

  • My book Life Will Get Better is available for purchase, click here to learn more. 
  • Looking for more? Check out my Blog and the Better Behavior Naturally Parent Program - a resource guide for parents who want to be more effective with improving their child’s behavior. 
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