Jan 9, 2019
My guest this week is Rev. Mantu
Joshi, an author, minister, and instructor on disability at Western
Michigan University. He is the facilitator for Family Foundations
at the First United Methodist Church. He has been a resident
chaplain with the Oregon Burn Center and Randall Children's
hospital, and has appeared numerous times nationally on NPR. He is
author of the popular book,
"The Resilient Parent: Everyday
Wisdom for Life with Your Exceptional Child", which ADDitude Magazine has called one of the
eight most important books for parents.
In this episode, Mantu and I
discuss how parents can find resilience through mindfulness,
especially for those who have children with special needs, sensory
issues or disorders. Mantu offers personal insight as a special
needs parent and enforces parents with the confidence, tools, and
tips they need to acknowledge and accept their feelings. Parents
often place the needs of their children above themselves,
disregarding their feelings out of guilt leading to heightened
anxiety and depression.
Defining Resilience
- Resilience commonly is understood as a bouncing
back effect
-
- Psychologist Norman Garmezy’s risk assessments
studied the ways that people deal with resilience and looked at it
as manifest competence despite exposure to significant
stressors
- Becoming a resilient parent
-
- Resilience includes the process of change
within ourselves, not just a form of bouncing back to where we once
were
- The
act of moving forward with change is an acceptance to new growth
and who you will become
Dealing With Grief as Parents
with Special Needs Children
- Grief
is often overlooked in parents, especially those with children who
have special needs
- Processing and accepting this grief is very
important
-
- Grief
is not only related to the loss of someone in this instance, it
applies to all facets of life
- The
four tasks of grief
-
- Accepting the reality of the loss
- Processing the pain of grief
- Adjusting to the world without that
person
- Maintaining a connection
Helping Parents Acknowledge and
Accept Their Feelings Without Guilt
- Take
5 minutes each day to write down what your expectations were of
parenting in one column and another column write what you have
actually experienced
-
- This
allows you to work on acceptance and receive a sense of
freedom
- Also
allows your mind to move on and begin to create and cultivate new
ideas for your family
- Remember: It is okay to experience feelings of
loss as a parent
-
- It
often helps lead to you becoming more resilient on your journey of
parenthood
- Each
stage of development in your child presents new changes,
challenges, and recurring feelings of loss
Practicing
Mindfulness
- Be
present to the moment
- Mindfulness leads to empathy
- These
factors inhibit your ability to express empathy in the
now
-
- Practice focusing on the now, not all the
whats, ifs, or buts of the future
- Being
present to your child in the stage they are in today
- Let
go of the outside factors, or “the storm”
Two Simple Practices to Create
Calm in the Midst of Chaos
- Keep
something symbolic in your pocket or purse that acts as a reminder
to help you find your grounding again
- Simple mind and body practice:
- Are
our eyes soft? Do the muscles around them look relaxed?
- Are
you gritting your teeth? Is your jaw tight?
-
- Focus
on your tongue and release your jaw while taking deep
breaths
-
- Concentrate on your tongue and eyes
- These
kinds of practices will aid in re-connecting you to your physical
self and allowing you to calm down
Where to learn more about Rev.
Mantu Joshi
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