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The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

Nov 22, 2021

This weeks question is from Emma,

“I’m struggling with my sixth-grade daughter who refuses to ask for help, even when it's obvious she needs it. This is becoming a major issue with school assignments as she is encountering some material she doesn't instantly understand. It's also an issue at home with various things, as she'll say she understands something and knows what to do, but then it becomes clear she actually doesn't. I have tried talking with her about it, I tried reassuring her that we all need help sometimes, and it's okay to ask, but beyond that, I'm just not sure what else to do. Any suggestions are welcome.”                         

In this episode, I will address how to help kids when they are resistant to asking for help or have a low tolerance for making mistakes.  As adults, we can teach them how to overcome any uncomfortable feelings by modeling in ways that show them it is a normal part of life even as adults. I will give you many scenarios and tips to do just that in the home, at school, or in public settings. 

You can submit a question by emailing us at with the subject line "Podcast Question."



Episode Intro … 00:00:30

Listener’s Question … 00:00:50

Acknowledging Emotions Around Asking for Help … 00:01:50

Allow Kids to Sit with Their Feelings … 00:04:50

Normalizing Mistakes & the Associated Feelings … 00:06:15

Modeling Mistakes & Working Through Them … 00:08:36

Praising and Spotlight Efforts in Hard Things … 00:10:52

Start Practicing Mistakes When Stakes are Low … 00:12:40

Give the Opportunity for the Child to Be in the Helper Role … 00:15:43

Embarrassment Around Asking for Help … 00:17:44

Episode Wrap up … 00:19:35


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